I keep circling the same thought
like it might open if I press hard enough.

How do you lose someone
by doing the thing you were taught
was right.
By staying.
By checking in.
By caring out loud
when the world had already gone quiet on them.

You told me
I did nothing wrong.
You said it clean
almost gently
as if that would steady me.
But that sentence had no place to land.
If I did nothing wrong
why am I
standing in the wreckage.

I keep replaying myself
softening my voice
shrinking my concern
editing the care out of my hands.
I imagine a version of me
who loved less
who hovered less
who knew when to disappear.
Maybe that version still has you.

I miss you in ordinary ways
that hurt the most.
I miss knowing
I could reach you.
I miss the shared gravity
the quiet understanding
the sense that my presence
was not a problem to be managed.

Now I am lost
because the map I trusted
betrayed me.
It said love was shelter.
It said showing up mattered.
It did not warn me
that sometimes people break
and take distance with them
like a life raft
pushing away the very hands
trying to help.

I am so sad
in a way that has no anger in it.
Just confusion.
Just longing.
Just the ache of missing someone
who is still alive
still somewhere
but unreachable.

I miss you.

And I do not know
how caring became the thing
that cost me
everything.